Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
Randomize
