she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
Randomize
