im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
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