if i died would you start the facebook group?
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
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