Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
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