just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Randomize
