you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
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