Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
Randomize
