My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
But theres a keg here and me gusta
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
Randomize
