Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
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