It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
Randomize
