how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Randomize
