What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
Randomize
