Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
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