Small penises have feelings too.
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Randomize
