if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
Randomize
