thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
