woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
Randomize
