I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
