I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
