Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
Randomize
