OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Randomize
