come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
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