what day is it and did you see me today?
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
whose ass print is on the piano?
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
Randomize
