he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
Randomize
