we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
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