i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
Randomize
