fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
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