having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
Randomize
