as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
Randomize
