Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
My ATM looks so different sober.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
Randomize
