I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
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