I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
Randomize
