Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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