Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
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