Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
Randomize
