Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
Randomize
