Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
Randomize
