sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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