She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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