just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
Randomize
