I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
Randomize
