I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
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