And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize
