Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
Randomize
