It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
