I'm eating all of the evidence.
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
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