No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
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