WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
