how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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