he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
a search helicopter?!
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
