don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
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