Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
Randomize
