Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
Randomize
