I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
Randomize
