what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Randomize
